Current Mood: conflicted

The Problem: I don’t know what to do because half of me feel like the world is my proverbial oyster while the other half is whispering abuse saying “you’re a failure already, there’s no hope in having dreams that will only become illusions of grandeur”


There are just some things you need to say aloud in order to clear your thinking. My mind, for example, is all a blur thinking about college and university choices, so much so that for the past six months, I seem to have been slowly packing my bags to hitch a ride on the train to Crazyville. As a result, I have devised this cunning list… a five year plan for the future, you could say. Behold!

The Five Year Plan

(aka The ‘I Better Not Screw Up Else What Little Left Of My Self-Esteem Will Disappear’ Scheme)




  • continue with my chosen course(s) at university
  • have a part-time source of income


  • pretty much the same as Year 3


  • accept a placement for professional training in chosen field (both of my chosen courses for university offer a 4 year course which offer a year of professional training)
  • complete course
  • celebrate completion of course
  • have a reliable source of income



Now that my thoughts are organized in a step-by-step manner, I feel a little bit better. I’ll probably look back on this five year plan and think wow, I sure was naive. Or, I could think I did more that I thought I could in the past half decade. It’s all in the matter of your perspective, I suppose. Thinking about it, it’s like I’m some sort of jaded dreamer. I hope for good things in life, but deep inside I know that life has a tendency of sucking and so I better not expect so much out of it. Either way, I’m feeling a bit more calm now… like the panicked little droids in my brain have finally taken their daily dose of coffee so they’re not so jittery anymore.

New Mood: driven