Current Mood: conflicted

The Problem: I don’t know what to do because half of me feel like the world is my proverbial oyster while the other half is whispering abuse saying “you’re a failure already, there’s no hope in having dreams that will only become illusions of grandeur”

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There are just some things you need to say aloud in order to clear your thinking. My mind, for example, is all a blur thinking about college and university choices, so much so that for the past six months, I seem to have been slowly packing my bags to hitch a ride on the train to Crazyville. As a result, I have devised this cunning list… a five year plan for the future, you could say. Behold!

The Five Year Plan

(aka The ‘I Better Not Screw Up Else What Little Left Of My Self-Esteem Will Disappear’ Scheme)
 

YEAR 1

YEAR 2

YEAR 3

  • continue with my chosen course(s) at university
  • have a part-time source of income

YEAR 4

  • pretty much the same as Year 3

YEAR 5

  • accept a placement for professional training in chosen field (both of my chosen courses for university offer a 4 year course which offer a year of professional training)
  • complete course
  • celebrate completion of course
  • have a reliable source of income

Okay?

Okay.

Now that my thoughts are organized in a step-by-step manner, I feel a little bit better. I’ll probably look back on this five year plan and think wow, I sure was naive. Or, I could think I did more that I thought I could in the past half decade. It’s all in the matter of your perspective, I suppose. Thinking about it, it’s like I’m some sort of jaded dreamer. I hope for good things in life, but deep inside I know that life has a tendency of sucking and so I better not expect so much out of it. Either way, I’m feeling a bit more calm now… like the panicked little droids in my brain have finally taken their daily dose of coffee so they’re not so jittery anymore.

New Mood: driven

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